The speaker discusses various humorous anecdotes about their life during the COVID-19 pandemic. They start by mentioning how they panicked in March and bought an axe from Home Depot, only to realize it was too big for them to wield. They also talk about getting tested frequently and how it's become a normal part of their life.
The speaker then shifts to a story about a friend who got a new job and had to take a drug test, which leads to a rant about how unnecessary drug testing is. They suggest that instead of testing, employers could simply observe their employees' behavior and use their judgment to determine if someone is on drugs.
The speaker also talks about a baby they met who has a deep voice and is "freaky" because of its size and appearance. They mention that they were startled by the baby's voice and stopped playing peekaboo with it.
Additionally, the speaker shares a story about being friends with their old sex ed teacher on Facebook and how they realized that the teacher was likely a virgin when teaching the class. They recall some of the absurd things the teacher said during sex ed, such as claiming that some women's vaginas are horizontal.
Throughout the conversation, the speaker uses humor and satire to poke fun at various aspects of life, including the pandemic, workplace culture, and sex education.
1. The writer had a friend who had a baby with a deep voice.
2. The writer has fainted on multiple occasions, including when a friend fell and hurt their arm.
3. The writer was unable to buy a gun due to permit difficulties in New York.
4. The writer had previously owned a gun while living in Louisiana.
5. The writer had their gun stolen after only owning it for a few days.
6. The writer has been getting tested for COVID-19 frequently and has always tested negative.
7. The writer has a friend who was drug tested for a new job.
8. A heroin needle was found in the break room at the writer's friend's workplace.
9. The writer is friends with their old sex ed teacher on Facebook.
10. The writer's sex ed teacher was likely a virgin when teaching the class.
11. The writer's sex ed teacher provided inaccurate information about sex and the human body.