This is a summary of the text:
The text is a transcript of a humorous monologue by a Russian comedian. The speaker tells various anecdotes about his experiences with hunting, traveling, fashion, cooking, and television. He makes fun of his wife, his mother-in-law, and himself. He exaggerates the situations and uses sarcasm, irony, and hyperbole to make the audience laugh. The text is full of jokes, references, and slang that may not be easily understood by non-Russian speakers.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The narrator's godfather, Mikhalych, is a huntsman with scars on his arm from a wolf and a bear.
2. A group of German amateur hunters arrived at the hunting ground with an instructor.
3. The narrator and the Germans went on a hunt, but the Germans were not successful, and the only trophy they got was a quail that died from diarrhea.
4. The narrator told the Germans a story about how to hunt a hare using bricks and pepper.
5. The Germans believed the story and prepared to hunt using bricks and pepper.
6. The narrator and the Germans went on another hunt, but the Germans were again unsuccessful.
7. A huge bear came out onto a hill and began scratching its back, and Hans Tur shot the bear with duck shot.
8. The bear was hit, but it couldn't stand the familiarity and rushed into the water towards the narrator and the Germans.
9. The Germans ran away, and the bear followed them, but it eventually stopped and turned back.
10. The narrator and the Germans returned to their camp and had a picnic.
11. The narrator's wife, Lydia Sergeevna, is a strong and fierce woman who can handle any situation.
12. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna went on vacation to Africa, where they rode a camel and encountered a hungry cheetah.
13. Lydia Sergeevna poked the cheetah with a stick and made it run away.
14. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna were attacked by a tribe of cannibals, but they managed to escape.
15. Lydia Sergeevna broke the sound barrier while running away from the cannibals.
16. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna went on a hot air balloon ride, but it didn't take off because of strong winds.
17. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna went on another vacation to Ethiopia, where they rode a camel and encountered a five-meter anaconda.
18. Lydia Sergeevna threw the anaconda back into the bushes.
19. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna met a warthog that was not interested in them.
20. Lydia Sergeevna milked a buffalo and got a bucket of milk.
21. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna encountered a gorilla that took Lydia Sergeevna's camera and climbed onto a palm tree.
22. Lydia Sergeevna climbed onto the palm tree and retrieved her camera.
23. The narrator and Lydia Sergeevna went back home and watched TV, where they saw a show about American President Trump.
24. Lydia Sergeevna claimed that Trump had promised to marry her but ran away.
25. The narrator's village was cut off from television, and the people were simple and uneducated.
26. The narrator's wife, Lydia Sergeevna, is a strong and fierce woman who can handle any situation.
27. The narrator decided to choose a bride from a group of three women, but the process was unsuccessful.
28. The narrator's nephew or cousin came to visit and found a rejuvenating ointment that the narrator had prepared.
29. The ointment was meant for the narrator's wife, but the nephew or cousin took it and began to drink it.
30. The Ministry of Emergency Situations saved the sun by stopping the rejuvenation process.
31. The nephew or cousin was 40 years old but looked 16 years older after drinking the ointment.
32. The narrator's body had little desire, and the idea of how many frames are in the summer was affected.