The speaker recounts a disastrous date with a woman he met on Instagram, who despite being beautiful, turned out to be extremely dim-witted. He shares various anecdotes of her lack of common sense, including not knowing what DMs (direct messages) are, thinking H₂O is something to do with the post office, and not understanding the concept of audiobooks.
Despite his initial frustration, he ended up spending almost half a year with her. He shares more stories of her antics, including planning their vacation to Mexico and getting the dates mixed up, resulting in them missing their flight.
Throughout the story, the speaker uses humor and sarcasm to poke fun at his ex-girlfriend's lack of intelligence and common sense, often breaking into laughter and audience applause. The story is a comedic tale of a disastrous relationship, with the speaker's witty commentary and reactions adding to the humor.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The narrator went on a date with a girl from Elbląg.
2. The girl was from Instagram and was considered "ultra pretty".
3. The narrator had to travel from Łódź to Elbląg for the date.
4. The girl had 70,000 followers on Instagram.
5. The narrator and the girl went on a trip to Mexico for 5 days.
6. The narrator had to wake up at 3 am to catch a flight to Warsaw and then connect to Mexico.
7. The narrator slept for only 3 hours before waking up.
8. The girl had a large pink suitcase that the narrator had to carry.
9. The narrator and the girl missed their flight to Mexico due to the girl's mistake.
10. The flight was scheduled for March 15th, but the girl thought it was the 14th.
11. The narrator and the girl had to go back to Łódź and try again the next day.
12. The narrator was in a relationship with the girl for almost half a year.
13. The narrator thinks that the girl is "very stupid".
14. The girl did not know what DMs (direct messages) on Instagram were.
15. The girl thought that H2O was a combination of oxygen and the post office.
16. The narrator was listening to an audiobook by Steven King during a car ride.
17. The girl did not know that there was a book version of the audiobook.
18. The narrator and the girl went on vacation to Mexico, but the narrator was sleep-deprived due to the early wake-up call.
19. The girl was very excited about the vacation and had planned everything in advance.
20. The narrator thinks that the girl's behavior was humiliating and frustrating.