The narrator is using a game called Universe Sandbox 2 to simulate the Earth's defense against Mercury's attack by increasing the Earth's rotational speed. Initially, the Earth is destroyed at normal speed, but as the rotation speed increases, the Earth begins to evaporate and create a "ring of death." At 100,000 times normal speed, the Earth is spinning so fast that it's creating a massive amount of heat and fragments. When the speed is increased to light speed, the Earth starts to grind Mercury into dust, creating a halo of fragments around it. Finally, when the speed is increased to a billion times light speed, the Earth is able to "shiatsu massage" Mercury away, assimilating it. The narrator then tests the Earth's defenses against Jupiter, but ultimately, the Earth is destroyed in the process of transferring its spinning momentum to Jupiter.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The Earth is being simulated in a program called Universe Sandbox 2.
2. The simulation involves increasing the Earth's rotational speed to extreme levels.
3. The Earth's rotational speed is initially increased to 10 times its normal speed.
4. The Earth's temperature increases to 50,100 degrees Celsius when its rotational speed is increased to 10 times its normal speed.
5. The simulation involves launching Mercury at the Earth to see the effects of the increased rotational speed.
6. When the Earth's rotational speed is increased to 10 times its normal speed, Mercury is broken into fragments upon impact.
7. Increasing the Earth's rotational speed to 100 times its normal speed causes the Earth to evaporate before Mercury even reaches it.
8. When the Earth's rotational speed is increased to 100,000 times its normal speed, it starts to grind Mercury into dust.
9. The Earth's rotational speed is eventually increased to 1 light speed, and then to 100 million times light speed.
10. At 100 million times light speed, the Earth is able to "swallow" Mercury and grind it into dust.
11. The simulation is then repeated with the Earth spinning at 1 billion times light speed, and Mercury is again ground into dust.
12. The Earth's rotational speed is eventually increased to 100 million times light speed, and then to 1 billion times light speed.
13. At 1 billion times light speed, the Earth's temperature increases to 417 degrees Celsius.
14. The simulation is then repeated with Jupiter instead of Mercury, and the Earth's rotational speed is increased to extreme levels.
15. The Earth's rotational speed is transferred to Jupiter, causing the Earth to disappear.
16. Jupiter's temperature does not increase significantly after the transfer of the Earth's rotational speed.
Note that some of the text is humorous or sarcastic, but I have tried to extract only the factual information.