The text is a compilation of personal anecdotes and embarrassing stories shared by multiple individuals. The stories range from childhood mishaps to awkward encounters and reckless decisions. Some of the key stories include:
* A person who got a rose stuck in their urethra on Valentine's Day
* A girl who encountered a cannibal who used meat tenderizer on her skin
* A person who put a super plus tampon in when not on their period and had to get it removed by a doctor
* A person who drank tap water in Mexico to avoid school, but ended up getting sick and hospitalized
* A person who faked having a hairline fracture to get crutches
* A person who got high on weed and ended up in the hospital for 82 hours
* A person who was hit by a cow while drunk and dislocated their shoulder
* A person who faked having asthma to avoid running in gym class
* A person who hit their little brother over the head with a golf club and caused a permanent bump
* A person who encountered a classmate who masturbated under their desk in philosophy class and later asked to borrow a "tip ex" (whiteout)
The stories are often humorous and lighthearted, with the individuals sharing their embarrassing moments and lessons learned.
Here are the facts extracted from the text:
1. The narrator had a rose stuck in their urethra on Valentine's Day in 2016.
2. The narrator was 13 years old in 2016.
3. The narrator faked having strep throat in school, but then actually got strep throat the day after.
4. A girl the narrator knows went to a club in Mexico and met a guy who insisted on putting lotion on her, which turned out to be meat tenderizer.
5. The girl had an allergic reaction to the lotion and had to go to the hospital.
6. The FBI got involved in the case and discovered that the guy was a cannibal.
7. The narrator once put a super plus tampon in when they weren't on their period and it got stuck.
8. The narrator had to go to the doctor to get the tampon removed.
9. The narrator drank tap water in Mexico, knowing it wasn't good for them, to get out of going to school.
10. The narrator was grounded for a week after being caught.
11. The narrator's 13th birthday was cancelled due to the incident.
12. The narrator has a sweating problem and lies about having mental diseases to avoid physical contact with others.
13. The narrator was on vacation with their family in Mexico and drank tap water to get out of going to school.
14. The narrator ate an entire brownie and cookie, smoked a bowl of marijuana, and smoked poppers, leading to a hospitalization.
15. The narrator's dog was taken away by the SPCA after the incident.
16. The narrator faked having asthma in seventh grade to get out of running in gym class.
17. The narrator pretended to have an asthma attack and was prescribed an inhaler.
18. The narrator still fakes asthma attacks to get out of doing things they don't want to do.
19. The narrator hit their little brother over the head with a golf club when they were 9 years old.
20. The brother had to go to the hospital and now has a bump on his head that will probably be there forever.
21. The narrator's mom made them tell everyone the truth about the incident.
22. The narrator saw a girl in their class masturbate under her desk in philosophy class.
23. The narrator's friend saw the girl masturbate in multiple classes.
24. The narrator was asked by the girl to borrow their "tip X" (whiteout) after she masturbated in math class.