Saddest Speedrun Ever - Summary

Summary

The speaker is attempting a speedrun but faces challenges with achieving a sub 4-minute time, aiming instead for 6-7 minutes. They encounter early mistakes, express confidence in difficult tricks, and share personal anecdotes including their first experience with ejaculation. Technical issues arise with a glitch not working on their computer, leading to frustration and multiple attempts to resolve it, including buying the game again. Despite efforts, the glitch remains unresolved, ending with the speaker considering speedrunning a different game and expressing hope for a future solution.

Facts

Here are the facts extracted from the text:

1. The speaker is attempting a speed run of a game, specifically the "Whistleblower" DLC of Outlast.
2. The speaker is trying to achieve a sub-4 minute run.
3. The speaker mentions that their best run would be around 6-7 minutes.
4. The speaker is having trouble with a specific glitch that is not working on their computer.
5. The speaker has spent around 5 hours learning the route and practicing the glitch.
6. The speaker is using a computer to play the game and is experiencing issues with the glitch due to their computer's configuration.
7. The speaker tries verifying the game files and reinstalling the game from GOG, but the issue persists.
8. The speaker mentions that some people are able to perform the glitch on their first or second try, while others are not able to do it at all.
9. The speaker is frustrated with the issue and is considering giving up on the speed run.
10. The speaker mentions that there is another route that can be taken, but it is longer and less desirable.
11. The speaker is considering moving on to a different game to speed run, such as Amnesia.
12. The speaker expresses willingness to return to Outlast if someone figures out why the glitch is not working on their computer.