A possible concise summary is:
The speaker tells a humorous story about her encounter with a dumb but attractive guy at the gym, who has a banana-shaped penis and raps to Eminem during sex. She reflects on her preferences and expectations for sex and dating.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker met a jacked guy at the gym who corrected her on a machine.
2. The guy had amazing eyes and a banana-shaped penis.
3