A possible concise summary is:
The speaker is a woman who went through a breakup in 2020 and had trouble finding a new partner during the pandemic. She tells a humorous story of how she matched with a German doctor on Tinder, who told her she was not girlfriend material, but invited her for a late night hookup. She took an e-scooter to his place, had bad sex with him, faked an orgasm, and then took another e-scooter back to her apartment, where she got her real orgasm from the cobblestones
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The text is a transcript of a comedy routine by Eleanor Tiernan about dating a German doctor after a breakup.
2. The text contains several jokes, exaggerations and profanity that are meant to be humorous, not factual.
3. The text mentions some details about the speaker's life, such as being Australian, living in Germany, having a breakup in April 2020, and staying with her parents during the pandemic.
4. The text describes the speaker's experience of going to the gym with the German doctor, having bad sex with him, and faking an orgasm.
5. The text also describes the speaker's use of e-scooters as a way to get to and from the date and to achieve an orgasm.