The summary is:
The text is a transcript of a segment from the show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, where he criticizes the third-party candidates in the 2016 US presidential election. He argues that Jill Stein and Gary Johnson have unrealistic, impractical, and poorly informed policies, and that they are not serious alternatives to the major party candidates. He also mocks their personal quirks, such as Stein's folk rock band and Johnson's mountain climbing analogy. He concludes that there is no perfect candidate in the race, and that voters have to acknowledge the flaws of whoever they choose.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are among the most disliked presidential candidates in history.
2. More than a third of young voters are considering voting for third-party candidates, such as Jill Stein and Gary Johnson.
3. Jill Stein is a doctor who wants to cancel student debt using quantitative easing, a monetary policy tool that she misunderstands and misapplies.
4. Gary Johnson is a former governor of New Mexico who wants to eliminate income tax, corporate tax, and the IRS, and replace them with a federal consumption tax that would hurt the poor and the middle class.
5. Both Stein and Johnson have made several gaffes and shown ignorance or inconsistency on various issues, such as Brexit, vaccines, 9/11, Aleppo, and climate change.
6. Stein also recorded several albums as part of a 90's folk rock band called Somebody's Sister, which sound very bad.
7. Johnson is an avid mountain climber who described summiting Mount Everest as getting a peek under her skirt.