A possible concise summary is:
The speaker tries to guess the zodiac signs of 12 strangers based on their appearance and personality traits. He only gets three of them right and blames Mercury retrograde for his mistakes. He also shares his opinions and experiences with different signs, such as his ex-bestfriend who was a Libra and his girlfriend who is a Pisces.
Here are some possible facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker is trying to guess people's zodiac signs based on their appearance and personality.
2. The speaker is an amateur astrologer and a Gemini.
3. The speaker got three out of twelve guesses correct.
4. The speaker has a girlfriend who is a Pisces and emotional.
5. The speaker had his heart broken by a Libra ex-bestfriend.
6. The speaker thinks Aries are the best of the zodiac and never wrong.
7. The speaker thinks Scorpios are rude, aggressive, and short.
8. The speaker thinks Aquarius are weird or logical and outgoing.
9. The speaker thinks Libras are petty, mean, and love drama.
10. The speaker thinks Geminis are funny, loud, and two-faced.