A possible concise summary is:
The text is a transcript of a comedy show by Afonso Padilha, a Brazilian stand-up comedian. He tells stories about his experiences as a performer, such as being interrupted by a woman who claims to be his long-lost twin sister, being laughed at by a mentally disabled man in bed, and being criticized by a girl who thinks his book about Jesus is inaccurate. He also makes jokes about astrology, his mother, and his brother. He uses a lot of slang, curse words, and references to Brazilian culture.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The narrator was performing a comedy show in Bauru.
2. A woman in the audience claimed that the narrator's mother had stolen her son from the maternity ward.
3. The narrator's mother denied the claim when asked about it over the phone.
4. The woman in the audience had twin children born on December 1, 1988, at the Curitiba Maternity Hospital, and her son was stolen.
5. The narrator's mother had a son (the narrator) born on the same day, December 1, 1988.
6. The narrator's mother had previously undergone liposuction surgery on her chin.
7. The narrator's mother speaks on the phone in a way that suggests she wants to hang up quickly.
8. The narrator's mother answers the phone and already wants to say "I love you" before the narrator has a chance to ask his question.
9. The narrator's mother claims she would not steal a child because she was already poor and having another child would make her even poorer.
10. The narrator's mother is willing to give away her house on the beach and her car if she is found to have stolen the woman's son.
11. The woman in the audience wants to know if the narrator is her stolen son.
12. The narrator's mother suggests that the woman should look for a rich person to adopt her child instead of trying to find her stolen son.
13. The narrator's mother is willing to give the "goose that lays the golden eggs" to the woman if she can prove that the narrator is her son.
14. The woman in the audience is accompanied by her mother.
15. The narrator's mother is calm and collected during the phone conversation, despite the seriousness of the accusations.
16. The narrator's mother says that she would not steal a child because it would make her poorer, and she already had a son.
17. The narrator's mother does not seem to take the accusations seriously and makes light of the situation.
18. The narrator's mother is willing to cooperate with the woman's investigation into the stolen child.
19. The woman in the audience is determined to find out if the narrator is her stolen son.
20. The narrator is unsure of what to make of the situation and is trying to navigate the conversation with his mother and the woman in the audience.