A possible concise summary is:
This is a transcript of a video where Ryan tells Shane a scary story about a water slide monster that kills a girl named Lily. The story is sponsored by Wealthfront, an investment app that offers watcher fans their first $5000 managed for free. Ryan and Shane make jokes and comments throughout the story, and end the video with a water pun.
Here are some possible facts extracted from the text:
1. The text is a transcript of a video where Ryan Bergara tells Shane Madej a scary story about a water slide.
2. The story is called "The Whirlwind" and it was written by Cassidy.
3. The protagonist of the story is Michael, a lifeguard who works at Ocean Meadows, a water park.
4. Michael has a crush on Savannah, another lifeguard who works at the slide next to his.
5. Michael sends a 10-year-old girl named Lily down his slide, the Whirlwind, but she never comes out.
6. Michael goes down the slide to look for her and finds her body pinned to the roof of the slide with her throat slit and a strange smile on her face.
7. Lily falls down the slide and lands in the drained pool, causing panic and horror among the visitors and staff.
8. Ocean Meadows closes down for the season and then permanently, and Michael never tells anyone what he saw or how he feels responsible for Lily's death.
9. The video is sponsored by Wealthfront, an investment service that offers low-cost funds and automated portfolio management.