A possible concise summary is:
The speaker tells a story of how he hired a six-foot, 300-pound woman from Craigslist to wrestle his friend as a prank for his bachelor party. The woman beats up the friend, who has never seen another woman naked before, and humiliates him with her finishing move of sitting on his head. The speaker gets uninvited from the wedding, but makes glazed donut t-shirts for the groomsmen, and tells the story to the friend's dad, who uses it as his best man speech.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The narrator was asked to throw a bachelor party for his friend.
2. The narrator initially declined, but eventually agreed to plan the party.
3. The narrator hired a woman from Craigslist to wrestle the groom.
4. The woman was advertised as being 6 feet tall and 250 pounds.
5. The woman actually weighed over 300 pounds.
6. The narrator paid the woman to wrestle the groom.
7. The groom was blindfolded and did not know what was happening.
8. The woman was much stronger than the groom.
9. The woman beat the groom, at one point smothering him with her breasts.
10. The groom tried to fight back, but was unsuccessful.
11. The woman had a "finishing move" that involved sitting on the groom's head.
12. The groom was nicknamed "Glazed Donut" after the incident.
13. The narrator was not invited to the wedding.
14. The narrator made "Glazed Donut" t-shirts for the groomsmen.
15. The groom's mom asked for extra "Glazed Donut" t-shirts.
16. The groom's dad used the story as his best man speech.