A possible concise summary is:
The speaker is a comedian who tells his experience of having coronavirus and how he got it from going to crowded bars. He makes jokes about the symptoms, the tests, the vaccine, the movies, the celebrities, and his family's reactions. He uses a lot of sarcasm, irony, and exaggeration to make fun of himself and the situation. He also imitates some voices and sounds to make his story more humorous.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker had a headache for three days, on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
2. The speaker got a fever and went to the doctor on Sunday.
3. The speaker was tested for COVID-19 and received a false negative result.
4. The speaker's doctor explained that the test can give false negatives, especially if taken too soon after infection.
5. The speaker was eventually diagnosed with COVID-19.
6. The speaker's doctor told them to stay at home and take care of themselves.
7. The speaker had to take medication and rest to recover from COVID-19.
8. The speaker's family members were worried about them and sent messages to check in.
9. The speaker watched a movie called "Countdown" which was about a pandemic.
10. The speaker researched celebrities who had COVID-19, including Tom Hanks and Luisa Mell.
11. The speaker's friend, Di Ferrero, also had COVID-19 and asked the speaker to remove jokes about him from their act.
12. The speaker's friend, Dinho Ouro Preto, had COVID-19, dengue fever, and swine flu.
13. The speaker eventually recovered from COVID-19 and developed antibodies.
14. The speaker's doctor told them that they still had a "hangover" from COVID-19, which was causing them to feel unwell.
15. The speaker's back and neck hurt, and they felt cold.
16. The speaker's mother was worried about them and told them to take care of themselves.
17. The speaker's friend, Gui Preto, accompanied them on a trip and did not get COVID-19 despite being in close contact with the speaker.
18. The speaker's brother suggested that marijuana might be good for COVID-19, citing a study from Jamaica.
19. The speaker's mother read a message about marijuana being prescribed for epilepsy and suggested that it might be good for the speaker's brother.