A possible concise summary is:
The speaker reviews Santa's Sleigh, a 2005 Christmas horror movie that stars pro wrestler Bill Goldberg as a murderous Santa Claus who is free from a 1000-year contract to be nice. The speaker praises the movie's kills, premise and Goldberg's performance, but criticizes the movie's plot, music and lead actors. The speaker also counts the number of deaths in the movie and gives awards for the coolest and lamest kills. The speaker ends by thanking some patrons and apologizing to his ex-girlfriend.
Here are some key facts extracted from the text:
1. The text is a transcript of a YouTube video called "Santa's Slay (2005) KILL COUNT" by Dead Meat, a channel that counts the deaths in horror movies.
2. The video covers a Christmas horror movie called Santa's Slay, starring professional wrestler Bill Goldberg as a murderous Santa Claus who is actually the son of Satan.
3. The movie's premise is that Santa lost a bet to an angel 1000 years ago and had to be nice and deliver gifts, but now the contract is over and he can resume his killing spree.
4. The video counts 41 deaths in the movie, 26 men and 15 women, with an average of one kill every 1.9 minutes.
5. The video awards the golden chainsaw for coolest kill to a strip club patron who got electrocuted by a stripper pole, and the dull machete for lamest kill to 12 people who died in a strip club fire.
6. The video ends with the host James A. Janisse thanking his patrons and apologizing to his first girlfriend for being immature when they broke up in sixth grade.