The following is a concise summary of the text:
The text is a transcript of a segment from the show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, where he talks about the possible consequences of Brexit, especially the scenario of leaving the EU without a deal. He explains the main reasons why Theresa May's deal was rejected by Parliament, focusing on the issue of the Irish border. He also discusses the challenges and risks of holding a second referendum or canceling Brexit altogether. He uses humor, sarcasm and clips from other shows to illustrate his points and mock the absurdity of the situation. He ends with a parody of a Churchillian speech, where he says that Britain will harm itself in every possible way, but still claim victory.
Here are the key facts from the text:
1. The UK voted to leave the EU two and a half years ago.
2. The UK is set to officially leave the EU on March 29th.
3. The UK has become one of the worst-performing economies in the G7 since the Brexit vote.
4. Major companies like Nissan and Dyson are moving operations out of Britain.
5. The pound has dropped by almost 14% since the Brexit vote.
6. The UK's departure from the EU could put a hard border across Ireland, which could be a big problem in a region that has been plagued by sectarian violence.
7. The backstop agreement would keep Northern Ireland under EU rules, but this is not acceptable to Brexit supporters.
8. The EU has said it will not renegotiate the backstop agreement.
9. If the UK leaves the EU with no deal, there will be a hard border in Ireland and customs checks at every point of entry.
10. The UK's economy could be up to 3.9% smaller after 15 years under a Brexit deal, and up to 9.3% smaller under a No Deal Brexit.
11. The government has released over 100 guidance documents instructing people on what to do if there is a No Deal Brexit.
12. There are warnings of empty shelves and some Britons have begun stockpiling food.
13. The European Court of Justice has ruled that the UK can simply revoke its intention to withdraw from the EU.
14. A second referendum on Brexit is unlikely, as it would take at least 22 weeks to organize and there are only six weeks left before the UK is set to leave the EU.
15. The first Brexit referendum was criticized for being a simple up-or-down vote without a clear understanding of what leaving the EU would mean.