The speaker, identified as a "chef," provides a humorous and critical analysis of the video game Crusader Kings 2. He describes the game as a complex, intricate medieval incest simulator that tests the player's ability to make strategic decisions and manage their dynasty.
The game's random events, from plagues to natural disasters, are described as unpredictable and often unfavorable, leading to the player's downfall. The speaker also pokes fun at the game's mechanics, such as the need to manage the needs and wants of your realm, which is impossible due to the constant demands of your subjects.
The speaker also discusses the game's multiplayer mode, suggesting that it often ends with everyone sleeping with your wife. He mentions the high cost of the game and DLC, comparing it to the cost of a daily caloric intake for 17 to 28 days on McDonald's dollar menu cheeseburgers.
In conclusion, the speaker rates the game a 7 out of 10, praising its complexity and interest but expressing regret and a constant state of "what-ifs." He suggests that in life, as in the game, one should make the most of their time, regardless of the challenges they face.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The text is a transcript of a video review of the game Crusader Kings 2 by a YouTube channel called SsethTzeentach.
2. Crusader Kings 2 is a grand strategy game that covers nearly 700 years of human history during the medieval era.
3. The game is based on random events, schemes, intrigue, and character interactions that can lead to unpredictable and often absurd outcomes.
4. The game is published by Paradox Interactive and has many DLC packs that add features and content to the base game.
5. The reviewer shares some of his stories from playing the game, such as seducing the Pope, eating his court, and marrying a horse.
6. The reviewer gives the game a score of 7 out of 10 and says he enjoyed it but also regrets spending so much money on it.
7. The text ends with a clip of the reviewer crushing his balls with a rock for some reason.