A possible concise summary is:
The text is a transcript of a segment from the show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, where he criticizes the practice of carbon offsets as a way to address climate change. He argues that carbon offsets are often unreliable, ineffective, and harmful, and that they allow companies to make misleading claims about their environmental impact. He also mocks some examples of carbon offset projects, such as protecting trees in a hunting club or supporting whales and dolphins in Ireland. He ends the segment by announcing his own carbon offset registry, where he offers to spare a studio tree for five minutes in exchange for a dollar.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. Earth is getting alarmingly hotter every year due to the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.
2. One in five of the world's 2000 largest publicly listed companies have committed to a net zero emissions target, which means running their businesses without increasing the amount of carbon in the atmosphere.
3. Many companies rely on carbon offsets, which are projects that claim to reduce or remove carbon from the air, such as planting or protecting trees, or building renewable energy sources.
4. Carbon offsets are often unreliable, ineffective, or harmful, as they may not actually reduce emissions, may cause displacement of people or animals, or may simply delay the necessary actions to combat climate change.
5. Carbon offsets are regulated by registries that have low standards and are paid by the sellers of the offsets, creating a conflict of interest and a lack of accountability.
6. The show created its own carbon registry and offset project as a satire of the current system, and invited viewers to pay one dollar to save a tree in the studio for five minutes.