A possible summary is:
The text is a transcript of a segment from John Oliver's show Last Week Tonight, where he discusses the controversy over Confederate monuments in the US. He argues that these statues are not accurate representations of history, but rather symbols of white supremacy and slavery that were erected to intimidate and oppress African Americans. He also shows how some celebrities reacted to finding out their ancestors were slave owners, and suggests some alternative statues that could honor more deserving people or animals. He ends with a humorous proposal to replace a Confederate statue in Charleston with a statue of himself.
Here are some key facts extracted from the text:
1. The text is a transcript of a segment from the show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, where he discusses the issue of Confederate monuments in the US.
2. The text argues that many Confederate monuments were erected decades after the Civil War, not to commemorate the fallen, but to assert white supremacy and resist civil rights movements.
3. The text cites various sources to support its claim, such as the Southern Poverty Law Center, declarations of secession, speeches by Confederate leaders, and historical documents.
4. The text also shows examples of how some people deny or distort the history of slavery and the Confederacy, such as Ben Affleck, Larry David, and a man who defended a statue at a town meeting.
5. The text suggests that most Confederate monuments should be moved to museums or replaced by statues of more deserving people or symbols, such as Robert Smalls, Bessie Coleman, or an alligator giving the finger.
6. The text ends with a humorous proposal to replace a Confederate statue in Charleston with a statue of Stephen Colbert, a native of the city and a popular comedian and talk show host.