A possible concise summary is:
The speaker is a video game player who tries to steal cars from famous soccer players in a game called Grand Theft Auto V. He narrates his actions and reactions as he sneaks into their houses, finds their keys, and drives away with their vehicles. He also makes jokes and comments about the game and the players. He ends the video by dying in the game and promoting another video.
This is a challenging task, but I'll try my best. Here are some possible facts extracted from the text:
1. The text is a transcript of a video where the speaker tries to steal cars from millionaire footballers.
2. The speaker steals a Porsche from Mbappé, a Lamborghini from Neymar, a truck from Modric, and attempts to steal a car from Messi.
3. The speaker uses explosives, disguises, and distractions to achieve his goal.
4. The speaker also comments on the houses, paintings, and hobbies of the footballers he visits.
5. The speaker fails to steal Messi's car and dies at the end of the video.