The narrative humorously describes the path to becoming the Pope of the Catholic Church, starting from being a Catholic man. It emphasizes the rigorous process, which involves becoming a priest, a bishop, and a cardinal before reaching the highest position. The narrator points out that the selection process is not as simple as running for office, but rather an inside job, with the cardinals playing a crucial role. The process involves multiple steps, including education, celibacy, and waiting for a bishop to retire or die. The narrator also highlights the secret list of potential bishops, which is updated every three years. The narrative concludes with the process of becoming a cardinal, the waiting game for the death or retirement of the current Pope, and the election of a new Pope. The final step involves picking a new name and the final ballots are burned to announce the selection of a new Pope.
1. The text discusses the process of becoming the head of the Catholic Church, also known as the Pope.
2. The first requirement to become Pope is to be a Catholic.
3. The second requirement is to be a man.
4. The process of becoming Pope is not like becoming a president, it's an inside job and is selected by the cardinals.
5. The last time a non-cardinal became Pope was more than 600 years ago.
6. To become a Pope, one first needs to be a cardinal.
7. To become a cardinal, one needs to start climbing the Catholic corporate ladder.
8. The first step in this ladder is to become a priest.
9. Becoming a priest in the Catholic Church requires a lot of education, usually a college degree in Catholic philosophy and a master's in divinity.
10. In addition to educational qualifications, one must also be a man, unmarried, and willing to remain celibate.
11. After meeting these requirements and working with the church, one can be officially ordained as a priest.
12. To move onward, one needs to take the job of the man who just made them a priest.
13. The next step is to become a bishop.
14. Bishops are a much more select group, with only about 5,000 worldwide.
15. To advance one's career, one must wait for a bishop in one's area to be forced into retirement at age 75 or die sooner than that.
16. There's a secret list of potential bishops that's updated every three years.
17. To be on this list, one must be a pious person, at least 35 years old, have been a priest for at least five years, and have a doctorate in theology or equivalent.
18. The local bishops then give this list to the Pope's ambassador for one's country, known as the Apostolic Nuncio.
19. The Nuncio picks three priests from the list, does in-depth research on them, conducts interviews, and selects the one he thinks is best.
20. The Nuncio sends his report to Vatican City and the Congress of Bishops, who review potential appointments from around the world.
21. If the Congress of Bishops doesn't like any of the three candidates, they can tell the Nuncio to start over, returning to the list, picking another three candidates, doing more research, more interviews, and sending off the results.
22. When the Congress of Bishops is happy with one of the Nuncio's candidates, that name is given to the Pope who can reject the candidate and start the whole process over.
23. From vacancy to a bishop's replacement can take months and on occasion years.
24. The penultimate promotion is to become a cardinal.
25. The only way to become a cardinal is to get the current Pope to appoint you as one.
26. Once a cardinal, one must wait for the death or retirement of the current Pope.
27. Once sequestered, the election of a new Pope can begin.
28. The election process is never exactly the same because the ex-Pope leaves instructions on how he wants his replacements to be picked.
29. The cardinals go to the Sistine Chapel to vote four times a day.
30. To become Pope, one of the cardinals must get a two-thirds majority.
31. The cardinals don't just raise their hands or use a modern preferential voting system but instead write down one name on a piece of paper, stand before the altar, and say a long Latin phrase before officially casting the ballot.
32. Once all the cardinals have done this, the votes are counted and then burned.
33. The record length is three years.
34. If one eventually wins the support of their fellow cardinals, one has one final thing to do before becoming Pope: pick oneself a new name.
35. The final ballots are burned clean to make the smoke turn white and announce to the world that a new Pope has been selected.