The video discusses the increasing prevalence of loneliness in modern society, with 60% of 18-34 year olds in the UK and 46% of the US population reporting regular feelings of loneliness. It emphasizes that loneliness is not the same as being alone, and it is a subjective, individual experience.
The video suggests that loneliness is a bodily function, like hunger, and that it is part of human biology. It explains that our ancestors were born into groups of 50 to 150 people, which they usually stayed with for the rest of their lives. Being social became part of our biology, and our brains evolved to recognize what others thought and felt, and to form and sustain social bonds.
The video also discusses the evolutionary adaptation of "social pain" as a mechanism to prevent rejection, which is why rejections and loneliness are so painful. It explains that this mechanism worked great for most of our history, but started to break down with the rise of individualism in Western culture during the late Renaissance.
The video then discusses the vicious cycle of loneliness, where an initial feeling of isolation leads to tension and sadness, which in turn leads to selective focus on negative interactions, which then changes behavior to avoid social interaction, leading to more feelings of isolation.
The video concludes with a call to action to accept loneliness as a normal feeling and to work on understanding and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. It also recommends two books for further reading: "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection" by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick, and "How to Deal with Loneliness: A Guide for Overcoming Isolation and Building Connections" by John T. Cacioppo.
1. Loneliness is a common human experience, with millions feeling it chronically.
2. In the UK, 60% of 18 to 34 year olds often feel lonely.
3. In the US, 46% of the entire population feel lonely regularly.
4. Loneliness and being alone are not the same thing.
5. Loneliness is a purely subjective, individual experience.
6. A common stereotype is that loneliness only happens to people who don't know how to talk to people or behave around others.
7. Population-based studies have shown that social skills make practically no difference for adults when it comes to social connections.
8. Loneliness can affect everybody, regardless of factors like money, fame, power, beauty, social skills, or a great personality.
9. Loneliness is a bodily function, like hunger.
10. Hunger makes you pay attention to your physical needs; loneliness makes you pay attention to your social needs.
11. Your body cares about your social needs because millions of years ago, it was a great indicator of how likely you were to survive.
12. Natural selection rewarded our ancestors for collaboration and forming connections with each other.
13. Our brains grew and became more and more fine-tuned to recognize what others thought and felt, and to form and sustain social bonds.
14. Being social became part of our biology.
15. You were born into groups of 50 to 150 people, which you usually stayed with for the rest of your life.
16. Getting enough calories, staying safe and warm, or caring for offspring was practically impossible alone.
17. Being together meant survival, being alone meant death.
18. To avoid rejection, your body came up with "social pain".
19. Pain of this kind is an evolutionary adaptation to rejection.
20. Your ancestors who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior when they got rejected, and thus stayed in the tribe, while those who did not got kicked out and most likely died.
21. That's why rejections hurt, and even more so, why loneliness is so painful.
22. The loneliness epidemic we see today really only started in the late Renaissance.
23. Western culture began to focus on the individual, moving away from the collectivism of the Middle Ages.
24. This trend accelerated during the Industrial Revolution, with people leaving their villages and fields to enter factories.
25. Communities that had existed for hundreds of years began to dissolve, while cities grew.
26. Today, we move vast distances for new jobs, love, and education, leaving our social net behind.
27. In the US, the mean number of close friends dropped from 3 in 1985 to 2 in 2011.
28. Most people stumble into chronic loneliness by accident.
29. Large scale studies have shown that the stress that comes from chronic loneliness is among the most unhealthy things we can experience as humans.
30. Chronic loneliness can make you age quicker, make cancer deadlier, advance Alzheimer's faster, weaken your immune systems, and is twice as deadly as obesity.
31. When loneliness becomes chronic, your brain goes into self-preservation mode, seeing danger and hostility everywhere.
32. Some studies found that when you're lonely, your brain is much more receptive and alert to social signals, but worse at interpreting them correctly.
33. Loneliness can make you assume the worst about others' intentions towards you, leading to a perceived hostile world.
34. If loneliness has become a strong presence in your life, the first thing you can do is to try to recognize the vicious cycle you may be trapped in.
35. The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of.
36. You can self-examine what you focus your attention on and check if you are selectively focusing on negative things.
37. The goal is just to open up a bit, to exercise your connection muscles so that they can grow stronger over time, or to help others exercise them.
38. There are books that address how to deal with loneliness in a way that