The speaker discusses the prevalence of loneliness in modern society, highlighting that it's not just a feeling of being alone, but a deeply ingrained biological response to social isolation. They explain that loneliness is a bodily function, similar to hunger, which makes us pay attention to our social needs. This is a result of evolutionary adaptation, where our ancestors who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior and stay in the tribe.
The speaker also discusses the impact of loneliness on health, stating that chronic loneliness is among the most unhealthy experiences humans can experience. It can make you age quicker, make cancer, Alzheimer's, and other diseases advance faster, and weaken your immune systems. They argue that loneliness is twice as deadly as obesity and as deadly as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
When loneliness becomes chronic, it can lead to self-preservation mode in the brain, making it see danger and hostility everywhere. This can lead to a cycle of avoiding social interaction, which in turn leads to more feelings of isolation. The speaker suggests that recognizing and accepting this cycle is the first step in escaping loneliness.
They also recommend reaching out to someone, regardless of how lonely you feel or how much you want to make someone else's day better. They suggest calling a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, inviting a family member who's become estranged, or going to an event you're usually too afraid or too lazy to go to.
Finally, they recommend two books for further reading: "Emotional First Aid" by BIGi and "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection" by John Cacioppo and William Patrick.
1. Everyone feels lonely from time to time.
2. This occasional feeling has become chronic for millions in the UK, with 60% of 18 to 34-year-olds often feeling lonely.
3. In the U.S., 46% of the entire population feel lonely regularly.
4. We are living in the most connected time in human history, yet an unprecedented number of us feel isolated.
5. Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing.
6. Loneliness is a bodily function like hunger, making you pay attention to your social needs.
7. Loneliness can affect everyone, regardless of money, fame, power, beauty, or social skills.
8. Loneliness is part of your biology.
9. Loneliness is a bodily function like hunger, making you pay attention to your social needs.
10. Loneliness makes you pay attention to your social needs.
11. Your body cares about your social needs because millions of years ago it was a great indicator of how likely you were to survive.
12. Natural selection rewarded our ancestors for collaboration and forming connections with each other.
13. Our brains grew and became more and more fine-tuned to recognize what others thought and felt and to form and sustain social bonds.
14. Being social became part of our biology.
15. You were born into groups of 50 to 150 people, which you usually stayed with for the rest of your life.
16. Getting enough calories, staying safe and warm, or caring for offspring was practically impossible alone.
17. Being together meant survival, while being alone meant death.
18. This is why rejections hurt and even more so, why loneliness is so painful.
19. The mechanisms for keeping us connected worked great for most of our history until humans began building a new world for themselves.
20. The loneliness epidemic we see today started in the late Renaissance with Western culture beginning to focus on the individual.
21. This trend accelerated during the Industrial Revolution as people left their villages and fields to enter factories and communities began to dissolve.
22. In the U.S., the mean number of close friends dropped from 3 in 1985 to 2 in 2011.
23. Most people stumble into chronic loneliness by accident.
24. Once loneliness becomes chronic, it can become self-sustaining, causing physical and social pain.
25. Loneliness is twice as deadly as obesity and as deadly as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
26. The most dangerous thing about it is that once it becomes chronic, it can become self-sustaining.
27. Loneliness makes you assume the worst about others' intentions towards you.
28. If loneliness has become a strong presence in your life, the first thing you can do is to try to recognize the vicious cycle you may be trapped in.
29. The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of.
30. Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life.
31. It's a universal human experience that you can't eliminate or ignore a feeling until it goes away.
32. The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of.
33. Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life.
34. It's a universal human experience that you can't eliminate or ignore a feeling until it goes away.
35. The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of.
36. Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life.
37. It's a universal human experience that you can't eliminate or ignore a feeling until it goes away.
38. The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a totally normal feeling and nothing to be ashamed of.
39. Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life.
40. It's a universal human experience that you can't eliminate or ignore a feeling until it goes away.
41. The first thing you can do to escape it is to accept that loneliness is a