The speaker, Mike, decides to attempt to beat a lie detector test by outsmarting his own brain. He researches various strategies used by others, including putting a tack in their shoe, meditating, and biting their tongue. However, he decides to create a new strategy to avoid detection.
Mike prepares by shopping for a wig that blends with his natural hair color and is large enough to conceal his ears. He also plans to use a noise-canceling earbud playing white noise in his left ear and a spy microphone in his right ear, connected to his phone. He will be on a phone call with his accomplice, Gustave, who is in another building. Mike also plans to get drunk on Mike's Hard Lemonade to ease his nerves.
During the test, Mike answers the questions truthfully, but his sweat glands betray him. The polygraph expert, John, reveals that Mike lied every time after the first few questions. Mike admits that he was unable to lie with his sweat glands, which is a common sign of deception.
After the test, Mike and John discuss the importance of telling the truth if one has nothing to hide. Mike is then subjected to a humorous description of the gross food he would have to eat if he failed the lie detector test, which includes sardines, cat turds, and eyeballs. Despite the humorous descriptions, Mike is visibly uncomfortable and sweating profusely.
1. The speaker is attempting to beat a lie detector test by outsmarting their own brain.
2. The speaker has seen videos of people trying to beat lie detector tests using various strategies, such as putting a tack in their shoe, meditating, or biting their tongue.
3. The speaker is a polygraph expert who administers lie detector tests and determines if someone is lying based on their microscopic changes to blood, sweat, and breathing as they answer a series of Yes or No questions.
4. The speaker has prepared 20 questions for the lie detector test, many of which are true and many of which are lies.
5. The speaker has spent the last four days brainstorming an unbeatable strategy for the lie detector test.
6. The speaker has placed a noise-canceling earbud in their left ear, which is playing white noise as loud as possible, to avoid hearing the questions and prevent their mind from subconsciously altering their behavior.
7. The speaker has placed a spy microphone in their right ear, which is connected to their phone. They will be on a phone call with their accomplice, Gustave, who is in another building.
8. The speaker has a list of questions and answers that Gustave gave them earlier today.
9. The speaker has decided to get drunk on Mike's Hard Lemonade to ease their nerves.
10. The speaker has answered all the questions on the lie detector test, with a mix of truthful and false answers.
11. The speaker has failed the lie detector test, as indicated by the polygraph results.
12. The speaker has been found out because the noise-canceling earbud playing white noise was not loud enough, allowing them to hear everything the examiner was asking.
13. The speaker was able to lie with their breathing and blood pressure, but not with their sweat glands.
14. The speaker has been told that the best approach is to tell the truth if they have nothing to hide.
15. The speaker has been described as looking like fish, tasting like peanuts, and smelling like cheesy feet.