The speaker, Irshad Manji, discusses the challenges of diversity in society and the importance of using it as a tool for unity rather than division. He emphasizes the impact of our primitive brain's predisposition to scan for threats and react defensively when encountering differing viewpoints, especially on the ideological spectrum.
Manji shares his personal experience of how his focus on winning debates turned potentially healthy discussions into toxic ones, and how this led him to rethink his approach. He introduces five skills to reduce emotional defenses and turn contentious issues into constructive conversations:
1. Breathe deeply: This helps to transition from the hyperemotional ego region to the prefrontal cortex, where cognition and emotion can coexist.
2. Proactively create common ground: Instead of waiting for a common ground to emerge, actively create it before diving into differences.
3. Ask sincere questions before stating your perspective: This shows a willingness to learn and understand others' perspectives.
4. Listen to learn: This involves focusing on understanding the other person's perspective rather than trying to win the argument.
5. Ask another question: This skill involves showing genuine interest in the other person's perspective, which can lead to a productive conversation.
Manji concludes by reminding his audience that the goal should be to solve problems, not to feel morally superior. He encourages his listeners to choose the path that leads to constructive conversations and problem-solving.
1. Diversity is not a human construct but a fact of life.
2. The question is whether we will use diversity to tear society apart or to unite it.
3. Human brains are wired to scan for threats five times a second, which can make us feel stressed and defensive when encountering differing viewpoints.
4. This defensiveness can lead to conflict across the ideological spectrum.
5. The speaker, Irshad Manji, was once a "culture warrior" who turned potentially healthy discussions into contentious debates.
6. He shares five skills to reduce emotional defenses and turn contentious issues into constructive conversations.
7. The first skill is to breathe deeply, which helps transition from the hyperemotional ego region to the prefrontal cortex where cognition and emotion can coexist.
8. The second skill is to proactively create common ground rather than waiting for chance.
9. The third skill is to ask sincere questions before stating where you're coming from.
10. The fourth skill is to listen to learn, showing genuine interest in understanding the other person's perspective.
11. The fifth skill is to ask another question, starting with "Tell me more," to encourage further dialogue.
12. Manji shares a personal example of how these skills were used effectively in a town hall meeting about homelessness.
13. The speaker emphasizes that these skills are informed by behavioral science and that they increase the chances of healthy outcomes in contentious conversations.
14. The speaker concludes by asking the audience to question their motivations in engaging in these conversations, encouraging them to choose whether they are in it to solve problems or to feel morally superior.