In this conversation, Conan O'Brien is discussing his long-standing relationship with Sony, a colleague who wants to buy a new car. Conan expresses his willingness to help Sony with the process, but also jokes about his own questionable judgment. He then examines Sony's existing car, a 2007 Volkswagen Jetta with over 160,000 miles, and comments on its condition, humorously referring to it as "white lightning."
Conan then proceeds to engage in a humorous and exaggerated online car shopping experience with Sony, joking about the prices and specifications of various cars, including a Bugatti and a Hummer. He eventually "purchases" a car that he describes as a "murder car," despite it not being considered a car by Kelley Blue Book. He then "gifts" this car to Sony, who is initially unimpressed but eventually expresses gratitude and excitement.
1. The speaker, Conan O'Brien, has been with a person, referred to as "you", for over nine years.
2. The person, "you", wants to buy a new car.
3. O'Brien offers to help with the car purchase.
4. The person, "you", has a 2007 Volkswagen Jetta with 160,000 miles.
5. The Jetta has a nickname, "White Lightning".
6. The person, "you", has a collection of coupons, mostly from Bed Bath & Beyond.
7. The person, "you", has a dollar chip from the Bellagio in Las Vegas.
8. The person, "you", has a fear of people recognizing them when they visit car dealerships.
9. The person, "you", has made some unwise investments, including a theme restaurant and Arabian racehorses.
10. The person, "you", is considering buying a Subaru Forester, but O'Brien advises against it due to its white color.
11. O'Brien suggests looking at Bugattis, but the person, "you", is slightly out of their budget.
12. O'Brien finds a Hummer for sale, but its price is over the Kelley Blue Book value.
13. The person, "you", is given a car for $500, which they agreed to pay $1,000 for. This car, referred to as a "murder car", does not meet Kelley Blue Book's criteria for a car.
14. The person, "you", is given a new car and expresses excitement about it.