This text appears to be a collection of humorous and random snippets of dialogue and commentary, featuring various scenarios and interactions. It includes humorous remarks, funny observations, and playful banter among individuals in different situations.
Sure, here are the key facts extracted from the provided text:
1. Someone is excited about the new year.
2. A granddad is being asked for something.
3. There's a choice between saving a girlfriend or a bus full of people.
4. Someone hasn't cooked dinner.
5. Someone mentions a basketball game.
6. There's a mention of a woman's stomach.
7. A person is addicted to online checkers.
8. A person is addicted to couponing and meth.
9. There's a mention of a loud creepy noise.
10. Someone wants to break up.
11. There's a mention of an exam tomorrow.
12. Someone is getting a tattoo on their dad.
13. A conversation about pants and an arrest.
14. Someone hates their life.
15. Someone invites another person over for pizza.
16. There's a mention of a dog.
17. Beyoncé getting cheated on is mentioned.
Please note that some of the extracted facts may be partial or unclear due to the informal nature of the text.