The speaker shares two anecdotes, one about his first kiss with a girl named Audrey and the other about pretending to be a girl on an online game and developing a friendship with a lesbian girl. The first anecdote is a cute and humorous story while the second one makes the speaker feel ashamed for pretending to be someone he wasn't and misleading the other person.
Sure, here are the key facts from the provided text:
**From the first part of the text:**
1. The speaker is addressing an audience, mentioning anecdotes and memories.
2. The speaker recalls a crush on a girl named Audrey when he was 11.
3. Audrey was pursued by another boy named Alexandre.
4. The speaker was sad because he wasn't in the same class as Audrey.
5. The speaker and Audrey communicated on MSN and visited each other's houses.
6. They shared a moment in Audrey's room that led to their first kiss.
7. The speaker expressed excitement and affection in response to Audrey's note.
**From the second part of the text:**
8. The speaker woke up feeling unwell and eventually vomited.
9. He also had a sudden need for a bathroom trip.
10. He accidentally soiled the carpet while vomiting.
11. He feared someone would see his embarrassing situation.
12. His father's girlfriend and her friends knocked on the bathroom door.
13. The speaker cleaned up the mess.
14. The speaker stepped in vomit while returning to his bed.
15. He had to borrow a mop from his father's girlfriend's friends.
16. He later shared a humorous video recounting this story.
**From the third part of the text:**
17. The speaker played the online game Dofus and pretended to be a girl character named Lucie.
18. He engaged with another player who thought he was a girl.
19. They communicated on MSN with webcam.
20. The person on the other end turned out to be a lesbian girl.
21. The speaker felt guilty for pretending to be a girl.
22. He tried to help her with her problems.
Please note that these facts are extracted from the text, and they do not include any opinions or subjective information.