This is a transcript of a humorous and satirical segment from a show where the host, Greg, introduces his guests, engages in some comedy, and discusses the current immigration situation at the US-Mexico border. The segment involves banter between the host and his guests, poking fun at political figures and the handling of immigration issues.
1. **Greg introduces the show's guests:** Todd Piro, Emily Austin, Michael Loftus, and Tyrus.
2. **Greg talks about his collar:** Greg comments on not liking his collar and how it makes his head look tiny.
3. **Jokes about raising children:** A study shows the cost of raising a child to 18 is almost a quarter of a million dollars, jokingly implying it's to cover the cost of cocaine.
4. **Dog-related event in Berlin:** People dressed as dogs gather in Berlin; a humorous comment is made about the number of nipples on a German Shepherd.
5. **Ukraine transgender spokesperson's statement:** Ukraine spokesperson Sarah Aston Cirillo makes a statement about Putin bathing in the blood of innocent children.
6. **Home cleanliness study:** A study reveals the average person's home is clean less than two weeks a year, irrelevant for those without homes.
7. **Lauren Boebert incident:** Lauren Boebert allegedly groped her date during a theater show; a joke is made about her finding the missing F-35.
8. **Pope Francis addressing climate change:** Pope Francis urges global action to combat climate change, with a humorous comment about Vatican smoke signals.
9. **American hostages released from Iran:** Five American hostages released from Iran feel safer back in Iran.
10. **Decline in cereal sales:** Serial sales in the United States are declining; a joke is made about Snap, Crackle, and Pop being found in the streets of San Francisco.
11. **Male loneliness epidemic:** An op-ed discusses the impact on fathers related to the male loneliness epidemic, humorously implying some men will be lonely forever.
12. **Taylor Swift's voter registration:** Taylor Swift's Instagram account helped register more than 35,000 new voters, with a humorous comment about her relationships with ex-boyfriends.
13. **Joy Behar's comment on Vivek Ramaswamy:** Joy Behar calls presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy dumb, with a humorous comparison made about her being called hot.
14. **Chuck Schumer relaxing Senate dress code:** Chuck Schumer relaxes the Senate dress code, allowing John Fetterman to wear whatever he wants, leading to a humorous exchange.
15. **Discussion about immigration:** A discussion ensues about the immigration situation, criticizing the handling of the issue, and making humorous remarks about political blame and solutions.