The text appears to be a transcript of someone's commentary or stream while playing the video game Transformers: Devastation. The speaker discusses various aspects of the game, including gameplay mechanics, character choices, and humorous comments.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker is playing a game called "Transformers Devastation".
2. The speaker is playing as a character named Optimus.
3. The speaker's girlfriend is a Decepticon.
4. The speaker's mom told him to stay away from Decepticons.
5. The speaker is a commander in the game.
6. The game has a feature called "Autobot".
7. The speaker's son, Michael, is playing hooky from school.
8. The speaker's kids like playing Minecraft.
9. The speaker's kids don't charge their remotes.
10. The speaker is using a controller to play the game.
11. The game has a combo system that involves pressing buttons in a specific order.
12. The speaker's son, Mike, is watching him play the game.
13. The speaker's mom is also present and occasionally interrupts the gameplay.
14. The speaker is trying to defeat a character named Megatron.
15. The game has a vehicle mode that allows the speaker to transform into a car.
16. The speaker can collect Energon cubes to restore his energy.
17. The speaker can perform a "vehicle attack" by pressing a specific button.
18. The speaker can perform a "ground slam" by pressing another specific button.
19. The speaker is trying to complete a mission to stop Megatron.
20. The speaker's son, Mike, is trying to help him with the mission.
Note that these facts are limited to the information presented in the text and do not include any opinion or analysis of the gameplay or the speaker's performance.