The provided text appears to be a transcript of a stand-up comedy performance by Eugene Herman. He discusses various humorous topics, including encounters with acquaintances, airport security, bizarre billboard messages, and interactions with bands on MySpace. The performance also includes some unconventional jokes and playful banter with the audience.
1. The text is a transcript of a comedy performance by Eugene Herman, presented by Comedy Central from New York City.
2. Herman talks about his experience of running into an old acquaintance's ex-boyfriend on the street.
3. He shares a humorous anecdote about a dare in a game of Truth or Dare, suggesting the first dare was likely a caveman daring a cave woman to throw a burning stick at a monster.
4. Herman describes his childhood, mentioning that he was put in special education in sixth grade because they thought he was slow.
5. He talks about his experience temping at Fidelity, where he answered phones in a movie phone voice.
6. Herman recounts a story of finding an iPod in a cab and calling Apple to return it, only to be told they wouldn't give his information for fear of being attacked.
7. He describes a trip to Vancouver, where he learned about the gentrification of the city by bears.
8. Herman shares his idea of creating ads for shapes, and talks about starting an art movement with a rule to go outside and yell "Society, ready your brain mouth for my mind" before making any painting.
9. He mentions an incident on an elevator where someone sarcastically stated there were bigger elevators in Russia.
10. Herman shares an experience of flying with a false bottom can of shaving cream containing tequila, a condom, and a picture of the old Perez tequila with a condom in the prez.
11. He talks about receiving emails from bands, responding to a band called Hijinks that was playing in Manhattan at BB King's in Times Square.
12. Herman ends the performance with a humorous message about if one is about to orgasm, to think of a song and apologize to baseball.