Here is a concise summary of the provided text:
**Title:** Review of Nick Bolton's Tactical Flashlight Infomercial
**Summary:**
* The author watches and mockingly reviews an infomercial for the "Bell Howell Tactical Flashlight" featuring Nick Bolton, a self-described "GI Joe soldier actor".
* The flashlight is touted as a high-tech, ultra-durable self-defense tool with extreme features (e.g., visible from 2 nautical miles, works in sub-zero temperatures, and boiling water).
* The author ridicules the exaggerated claims, suggesting the flashlight is not unique and its "self-defense" capabilities are overstated and potentially dangerous advice.
* The review is laced with sarcastic humor, praising Nick Bolton's over-the-top persona while poking fun at the infomercial's absurdity.
**Length:** Approximately 250 words (original text was ~760 words)
Here are the key facts extracted from the text, keeping them short and objective:
1. **Subject**: The text discusses a Nick Bolton infomercial for the "Bell Howell Tactical Flashlight".
2. **Nick Bolton's Credentials**: Described as the most decorated GI Joe soldier actor in commercial history.
3. **Awards**: Earned over 5 Bronze Stars, 10 Silver Stars, and 60 Purple Hearts (in the context of his acting career).
4. **Commercial Content**: The infomercial features the Bell Howell Tactical Flashlight.
5. **Product Claims**:
* Used by the world's top soldiers with at least 5,000 confirmed kills.
* Can be seen up to two nautical miles away.
* Features a super bright strobe that can stun and disorient.
6. **Durability Claims**:
* Works in sub-zero temperatures.
* Functions fully submerged in water.
* Operates in 212-degree boiling water.
* Can survive being run over by a Humvee.
7. **Product Specifications**:
* Made of high-grade aircraft aluminum.
* Bulb lasts 100,000 hours.
* Compact and lightweight with preset modes.
8. **Epilepsy Warning**: The commercial includes strobe effects that may pose a risk to viewers with epilepsy.