Here is a concise summary of the provided script:
**Title:** Breaking News
**Format:** Comedic News Program with Unpredictable Script
**Segments:**
1. **Introduction**: Hosts Taylor West and Kanye Swift introduce the show, where they read unknown scripts without smiling or laughing.
2. **Top Story**: "Wild Bill" Bronson, an old-timey sheriff, is appointed to tackle crime in the city, with a catchphrase involving introducing outlaws to God.
3. **Segment 1**: Adele Dazeem provides humorous advice on coping with power outages, suggesting intrusive conversations with neighbors.
4. **Segment 2**: Food Critic Jack Kemp reviews a restaurant, leading to a bizarre oatmeal-with-whipped-cream eating challenge.
5. **Conclusion**: The team discovers the script was likely written by "Grant", evident from its eccentric style, and announces the "loser" of the week, Ally, for laughing uncontrollably.
**Tone:** Absurdist comedy, self-aware humor, and playful jabs at traditional news formats.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text, keeping each fact as a short sentence and excluding opinions:
1. The news team is based in West Hollywood, California.
2. The show is called "Breaking News".
3. The hosts are Taylor West and Kanye Swift.
4. A new sheriff, Wild Bill Bronson, has been installed by county supervisors.
5. The county supervisors made this decision in response to an uptick in crime.
6. Wild Bill Bronson is styled after an 1800s Old West sheriff.
7. The city is under siege from "Bad Brian and the Bad Brian boys".
8. A list of the "top 10 baddest Brians" was provided on the show.
9. The Department of Power expects rolling blackouts over the weekend.
10. Adele Dazeem is a contributor to the show, providing advice on coping with power outages.
11. Jack Kemp is the show's food critic.
12. Jack Kemp reviewed a restaurant called "La Luna" on Broad Street.
13. The show has a penalty system, with a "point buzzer" sounding for various infractions.
14. A contributor named Grant is responsible for writing some of the show's content.
15. The show's loser for the week was announced as Ally, due to not being able to stop laughing.