Here is a concise summary of the provided transcript:
**Content:** A commentary on two episodes of "1000 Ways to Die"
**Episode 1: "Anal Explosion"**
* A humorous retelling of a strongman competition where a contestant, Angus, cheats by greasing the bar, but ultimately suffers a fatal "anal explosion" due to excessive straining.
**Episode 2: Two Separate Deaths**
1. **Grave Robber**
* A man digs up his brother's grave to steal valuable rings, but is crushed by a falling tombstone.
2. **Stripper's Fatal Surgery**
* A woman undergoes cheap, faulty breast implant surgery to become a stripper, but the inferior implants (compared to water balloons) fill with air and explode on a flight, killing her and possibly others on the plane.
**Tone:** The commentary is laced with dark humor, sarcasm, and playful jabs.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text, excluding opinions and keeping each fact as a short sentence with a number:
**Note:** Some facts might be incomplete or lack context due to the text's format and content.
1. The speaker is watching a program called "A Thousand Ways to Die".
2. The speaker is wearing a t-shirt with skulls while watching the program.
3. One segment is titled "Anal Explosion".
4. A character named Angus participates in a strength contest.
5. Angus cheats by putting grease on the bar to eliminate an opponent.
6. A character named Jordi Wide is mentioned in relation to an "Anal Explosion" incident.
7. A grave robber, referred to as "the black sheep", steals from a grave on September 17, 2002.
8. The grave belongs to a person named Jean, who was buried with $100,000 worth of rings.
9. The thief's plan fails when a monument collapses on them.
10. A character considered becoming a stripper but lacked certain physical attributes.
11. The character found a cheap surgeon online for breast augmentation surgery.
12. The surgeon used inferior quality implants, comparable to water balloons.
13. The character, now with new breasts, boards a plane, which takes off, causing air bubbles in the implants.
14. The plane reaches an altitude of 6000 meters, leading to an unspecified incident involving the implants.
15. The surgeon allegedly used "bags of tempera paint" instead of proper implants (likely a humorous or sarcastic remark, but presented here as a "fact" from the text).