Here is a concise summary of the provided text:
**Summary**
* A comedian shares two anecdotes:
1. **Accidental Pat on the Backside**: He patted a 56-year-old fan's backside by mistake after a photo, leading to an awkward encounter.
2. **Food for Thought at a Buffet**: He discusses the societal pressures and stigma faced by overweight individuals, highlighting how thin people can freely eat without judgment, whereas fat people are often scrutinized.
* The comedian also briefly introduces his security detail, "Cricket," a former prisoner with an interesting background.
* The overall tone is lighthearted and humorous, with the comedian using self-deprecation and witty observations to comment on social issues.
Here are the extracted key facts in short sentences, numbered for reference:
1. The speaker had a conversation with a colleague who had a bad night at a comedy show.
2. The speaker performed 11 comedy shows in a row, with the current one being the last.
3. At Guadalajara airport, a 55-year-old man asked the speaker for a photo.
4. Typically, photo requests are for the requester's child, but this was for the man himself.
5. The speaker has a protocol for taking photos to avoid uncomfortable positions.
6. During the photo with the 55-year-old man, the speaker accidentally patted the man's buttock.
7. The speaker has a security detail named Cricket, who is not allowed to appear on camera due to legal issues.
8. Cricket is a former prisoner who has served his time and is also a chef.
9. The speaker hired Cricket after an interview, despite (or because of) his unusual background.
10. The speaker and Cricket went to a buffet, where the speaker observed societal differences in treatment of fat people.
11. There is no specific law protecting overweight individuals from ridicule or discrimination.
12. The speaker criticizes the phrase "I eat [anything] and don't gain weight" when used by thin people to fat individuals.