Here is a concise summary of the provided text:
**Title:** Scathing Review of Super Pitfall (NES)
**Summary:**
The reviewer eviscerates Super Pitfall, a NES game, for its numerous flaws. Criticisms include:
* Extremely difficult gameplay with instant-death traps from the start
* Poor design choices (e.g., invisible items, illogical level layout)
* Frustrating mechanics (e.g., inability to shoot while ducking, short enemies)
* Bizarre death animations and unexplained in-game events
* Overly secretive gameplay requiring guesswork to progress
* Anti-climactic and confusing ending with no clear objectives
**Tone:** Sarcastic, exasperated, and humorous, with frequent profanity and ridicule towards the game's design and the idea of replaying it.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text, excluding opinions, with each fact numbered and in brief sentence form:
**Game Facts**
1. The game being discussed is **Super Pitfall**.
2. **Super Pitfall** is a sequel to the classic Atari game **Pitfall**.
3. **Super Pitfall** was released for the NES.
4. The main character's name is **Pitfall Harry**.
5. Pitfall Harry resembles Luigi in appearance.
6. Pitfall Harry has a unique walk cycle, appearing to hop on one foot.
7. The game features a variety of enemies, including spiders, frogs, and scorpions.
8. Most enemies in the game are too short to be shot by Pitfall Harry while standing.
9. The game has a unique death animation for Pitfall Harry.
10. Items in the game, including bullets and special objects, are **invisible** until jumped over in a specific spot.
11. Collecting gold in the game serves no purpose other than scoring points.
12. The game features an anti-gravitational lake and ladders leading to nowhere.
13. Downward movement is often hazardous, leading to frequent deaths.
14. A specific part of the game has different music, resembling the **Temple of Doom**.
15. To access certain areas, players must jump into walls, similar to secrets in **Simon's Quest**.
16. There is a warp zone hidden inside a bird in the game.
17. The game requires collecting specific suits (spades, hearts, diamonds) for an unclear purpose.
18. Finding required items without a guide is largely a guessing game.
19. Completing the game involves finding the princess, then using collected items to progress further.
20. After an initial completion, the game does not clearly indicate the player has won or what to do next.
21. The game technically ends with a screen displaying "Congratulations" and "Please try another world."
22. A second quest exists but is essentially the same game with items in different locations.
**Technical and Release Facts**
23. The text references a release year of **1987** for the game.
24. The game was developed for the **Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)**.