Here is a concise summary of the story:
**Title:** The Day I Nearly Blinded Myself
**Summary:**
* The narrator, Dan, was running extremely late for a flight to Australia for a tour with his stage show partner, Phil.
* In his haste, Dan accidentally sprayed deodorant into his own eye while packing.
* Despite intense pain and blurred vision, Dan insisted on continuing to the airport, where his condition worsened after he vigorously rubbed his eye.
* A call to a medical advice hotline provided little help, so Dan self-medicated with various eye products at an airport pharmacy.
* Just as he boarded the plane, his vision cleared up, and he was able to see again.
* In a symbolic act of defiance, Dan ate a crushed, leaking pistachio muffin he had been determined to enjoy throughout the ordeal, finding a sense of pride and redemption.
**Tone:** Humorous, self-deprecating, and relatable, with a touch of absurdity.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text, keeping each fact concise and numbered, excluding opinions:
1. **Travel Plans**: The narrator, Dan, was set to fly to Australia with Phil for a stage show tour.
2. **Departure Time**: Their car to the airport was scheduled to arrive at 5:00 PM.
3. **Last-Minute Activities**: Dan finished filming a YouTube video at 5:15 PM and had not yet packed his suitcase.
4. **Packing Rush**: Dan rapidly packed his suitcase, grabbing essentials like his phone, wallet, passport, and chargers.
5. **Accident Occurred**: While rushing, Dan accidentally sprayed deodorant into his eyeball.
6. **Immediate Reaction**: Dan splashed water on his face to try and alleviate the issue.
7. **Condition Deterioration**: After attempting to rub the affected eye, Dan's condition worsened, experiencing extreme pain and blurred vision.
8. **Airport Situation**: Despite his condition, Dan made it to the airport gate on time for his flight to Australia.
9. **Seeking Advice**: Dan called a UK healthcare service for advice, speaking with a representative named Doris.
10. **Pharmacy Visit**: Before boarding the flight, Dan purchased various eye products from an airport pharmacy.
11. **Flight Boarding**: Despite his eye issue, Dan boarded the flight, where his vision eventually cleared up, and the pain subsided.
12. **Muffin Incident**: Dan's pistachio muffin, purchased earlier, was crushed in his bag but was still consumed on the plane as a symbol of determination.
13. **Flight Outcome**: Dan successfully flew to Australia, albeit with a tumultuous pre-flight experience.