Here is a concise summary of the provided text, which appears to be a humorous, sarcastic review of the movie "Suicide Squad" (2016) in the DC Cinematic Universe:
**Summary:**
The reviewer mocks the plot of "Suicide Squad", highlighting its perceived flaws. The story begins with Viola Davis's character recruiting a team of criminals (Suicide Squad) to counter a threat. The team, including Will Smith's character, a "crazy" blonde, and others with unimpressive skills, face off against a witch who wreaks havoc. Despite illogical plot twists and character actions, the Squad defeats the witch with a bomb. The reviewer criticizes the plan's fallibility and the movie's conclusion, which sets up a potential sequel with the Joker's appearance. Throughout, the tone remains lighthearted and mocking.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text, without opinions, with each fact numbered and in short sentences:
**Movie Summary Facts**
1. The movie features a cinematic universe with Batman and Superman, but they are not the main focus.
2. Superman is mentioned as deceased, and Batman is implied to be ineffective.
3. The main characters are part of a "Suicide Squad".
4. The squad is formed by a black woman (played by Viola Davis) who recruits criminals for a mission.
5. The recruited criminals include:
* Will Smith (a character with an aim)
* A blonde psychiatrist (with no special abilities)
* A large man (who shoots veins)
* A Latino (who shoots fire)
* A weirdo (half-man, half-something else)
* An archaeologist (who unleashed a witch's spirit)
6. The squad's mission is to rescue a person trapped in a building.
7. They face creatures born from a witch's kiss during the mission.
8. Each character demonstrates their powers during a fight.
**Plot Progression Facts**
9. The blonde's boyfriend (an overacting gangster) appears, causing unnecessary conflict.
10. The scientist who invented the neck bombs is kidnapped, and the blonde's bomb is deactivated.
11. Will Smith is asked to kill the black woman in exchange for his freedom.
12. The black woman's heart is kept in a suitcase, controlling her powers.
13. The witch throws the helicopter with the black woman, leading to a change in the witch's form.
14. The squad discovers a secret in a folder that was not hidden.
15. The holder's phone (controlling the bombs) is broken, temporarily freeing the squad.
**Climax and Resolution Facts**
16. The final battle is between the Suicide Squad and the "troupe" (led by the witch).
17. The Latino sacrifices himself to defeat a black man.
18. The squad defeats the troupe with a bomb.
19. The black woman recruits the criminals to face a threat from the same "carbon group".
20. The threat is defeated with a bomb.
**Ending and Sequel Setup Facts**
21. The archaeologist survives, and the blonde is happy at the end.
22. The black woman appears fine after being unconscious, still with the bomb-controlling application.
23. The squad is forced to stay due to the remaining bomb threat.
24. The movie ends with the girl returning to her cell, only to be visited by the Joker, setting up potential new adventures.