The comedian discusses various topics, including getting older (turning 34) and how it affects his physical appearance and abilities, particularly in terms of playing sports. He reminisces about playing soccer as a child and how he's no longer as agile. He also talks about trying to play baseball, UFC, and taekwondo, but ultimately deciding that boxing is his favorite sport. However, he shares a story about getting hit by a 15-year-old boy during a sparring match, which left him feeling embarrassed and frustrated with his own body for not obeying his brain's instructions. The comedian also touches on his traumatic experience as a child being chosen last for sports teams and being forced to play goalkeeper due to his weight.
Here are the key facts from the text:
1. The speaker mentions that in Monterrey, they were given a straw with eyelets.
2. The speaker has brothers, and they have played soccer together.
3. The speaker is now 34 years old.
4. The speaker's metabolism has slowed down, making it harder to lose weight.
5. The speaker used to play soccer twice a week but now only plays once a fortnight.
6. The speaker has tried taekwondo but found it too leg-intensive.
7. The speaker was invited to train in the UFC but declined due to the violence.
8. The speaker took boxing classes for a year before a motorcycle accident.
9. The speaker's coach, Mike, paired them with a 15-year-old sparring partner.
10. The speaker was offended by this and felt it was unfair.
11. The speaker got hit by the 15-year-old during a sparring match.
12. The speaker's left arm did not obey their brain's commands to block the blow.
13. The speaker's nose was hit, causing their eyes to water.
14. The speaker has trauma from playing soccer as a child and being chosen last.