The comedian is performing a stand-up routine on Christmas Eve. He begins by poking fun at himself, saying he's not as physically fit as he's perceived to be, and that his wife has never seen him naked. He then shares an anecdote about a time he went to a gym pool, where he had an awkward encounter with another swimmer. The comedian mocks the uncomfortable design of the pool's locker room and the ridiculousness of wearing goggles and swim caps. He also reminisces about how he came up with a witty response to a stranger's comment, but only thought of it after the fact. The comedian then talks about the French concept of "esprit de cali" (spirit of stairs), which means thinking of a clever response only after it's too late. He finishes his set by joking about how people react to him in public and thanking the audience for their attention.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker was aware of something the audience might not know.
2. The speaker does not have a nude photograph of themselves.
3. The speaker's wife has never seen them naked.
4. The speaker went to a gym on Christmas Eve.
5. The locker room at the gym was designed to destroy dignity.
6. The speaker wore a tight swimsuit, goggles, and a plastic cap to swim.
7. The speaker encountered another person in the pool who was also swimming.
8. The two swimmers bumped into each other in the pool.
9. The other swimmer recognized the speaker from TV.
10. The speaker and the other swimmer exchanged words about the pool.
11. The speaker thought of a witty response after the encounter.
12. The French have a term "esprit de cali" that refers to the phenomenon of thinking of a good response after the fact.
13. The speaker continues to behave normally despite being recognized in public.
14. The speaker asks the audience not to make a fuss about them in public.