The comedian, Elena, recounts a humorous story about meeting a French guy at a bar, going back to his apartment, and having a disastrous experience with him. Initially, Elena is excited about the prospect of getting food, as she prioritizes it over sex. However, things take a turn when the French guy starts speaking only in French during their intimate encounter, leaving Elena clueless. She misunderstands his question, "Can I eat your ass?" and responds with "Oui, oui." The situation escalates as the French guy starts performing an unusual act, which Elena finds repulsive. The comedian's storytelling is filled with witty one-liners, humorous observations, and exaggerated reactions, keeping the audience in stitches.
Here are the key facts from the text:
1. The narrator, Elena, met a French guy at a bar.
2. The French guy spoke English, which Elena found rare.
3. Elena and the French guy started chatting and exchanging questions about each other's countries.
4. The French guy asked Elena if she spoke French, and she replied that she understood more than she could speak.
5. Elena and the French guy went to his apartment to get food.
6. The apartment was on the fifth floor, and there was no elevator.
7. Elena struggled to climb the stairs while trying to maintain a conversation.
8. The French guy cooked a meal, including salmon, cheese sauce, salad, and potatoes.
9. Elena was tasked with preparing the salad, but she didn't read the instructions on the bag that said it was pre-washed.
10. Elena and the French guy went to the bedroom, where he started speaking only in French.
11. Elena didn't understand what the French guy was saying, and he asked her if he could perform a certain act, which she misinterpreted.
12. The French guy performed the act, which involved oral contact with Elena's anus.
13. Elena was shocked and disgusted by the French guy's actions.
14. The French guy spat on Elena's anus before continuing with the act.
15. Elena was worried that the French guy might be allergic to peanuts, which she had eaten earlier.
16. The French guy wanted to kiss Elena after the act, but she was hesitant due to concerns about E. coli.