The speaker describes their experience with edibles, saying they used to prefer smoking but have evolved to prefer edibles. However, they warn that edibles can be unpredictable and that the high can come on later and last longer than expected. The speaker shares a story about trying an edible for the first time and not knowing what to expect, resulting in an uncomfortable eight-hour experience. They also share a story about playing a prank on their brother by giving him an edible, which he didn't realize would have such a strong effect. The brother eventually freaks out and texts the speaker, thinking he might die. The speaker finds the situation amusing and teases their brother, eventually turning off their phone and going to sleep.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The narrator used to smoke weed but now prefers edibles.
2. The narrator went to a doctor's office to get a medical card for marijuana.
3. The doctor's office had a poster listing conditions that qualified for medical marijuana, including autism.
4. The narrator memorized the first condition on the list, autism, to tell the doctor.
5. The doctor asked the narrator if he meant anxiety, and the narrator agreed.
6. The narrator went to a weed store and was offered a blueberry muffin edible.
7. The narrator ate the entire muffin, not knowing it was a strong edible.
8. The owner of the weed store warned the narrator that he would freak out and told him to go home.
9. The narrator went home and woke up high the next day.
10. The narrator hated waking up high because he likes to start the day with a clean slate.
11. The narrator called the owner of the weed store and complained about not being warned about the edible's strength.
12. The narrator decided to play a practical joke on his older brother using a space cake edible.
13. The narrator's brother was warned not to eat the whole space cake, but he did anyway.
14. The narrator told his brother to leave, but his brother realized the narrator was trying to get rid of him because he himself was going to freak out.
15. The brother sent the narrator a text with his vital signs from a blood pressure machine in CVS, indicating that he was freaking out.
16. The narrator told his brother to never call him again and turned off his phone.