The comedian talks about how his jokes are often based on true stories. He shares a story about being in a car with his mom when a man yelled at her, prompting him to get out and yell back. However, he admits he doesn't know how to fight, so he resorts to yelling "Hadouken" (a reference to Street Fighter 2) which causes the man to flinch and run away.
He also shares a story about being at McDonald's with a friend when a kid throws a ball at him from the play place. He chases after the kid, but the situation is defused when the other kids start clapping and cheering, thinking he's a new mascot. The kid's dad gets involved, but is hesitant to confront him because of his size.
Finally, he talks about how being a little person can be advantageous, allowing him to get away with things because he's adorable. He shares a story about stealing cookies from a grocery store and getting away with it because the clerk believed him when he said his family made the cookies.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker is a comedian who is a dwarf.
2. The speaker's mother is not a little person.
3. The speaker's father is not a little person.
4. The speaker's head was the same size at birth as it is now.
5. The speaker's mother gave birth to him, and it was not an easy process.
6. The speaker does not know how to fight.
7. The speaker learned some fighting moves from video games in the 90s.
8. The speaker yelled "Hadouken" at a man who was being rude to his mother, and the man flinched and ran away.
9. The speaker was at a McDonald's with a friend and a kid threw a ball at him.
10. The speaker chased the kid into the play place and caught up to him in the tubes.
11. The kid's father tried to intervene, but was hesitant to physically confront the speaker due to his size.
12. The speaker believes that being a little person has its advantages, including being able to get away with certain behaviors.
13. The speaker claims to have stolen Keebler cookies from a grocery store and was not stopped by the clerk.