The text appears to be a transcript of a comedy show or stand-up routine. The speaker shares various personal anecdotes and stories, often with a humorous tone. Some of the topics mentioned include:
* A woman who caught her best friend and boyfriend cheating on her and had a heart attack
* A man who sent a compromising photo to his mother-in-law by mistake
* A story about a fight in a neighborhood, with the speaker describing himself as a "karambol player" (someone who gets into fights without knowing how to fight)
* A conversation about a man's wife being upset with him for using her bathroom
* A joke about a cat having its own room and possibly having a toilet.
The speaker also engages in witty banter with the audience and other performers, making light of various situations and relationships.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. A person went to surprise their best friend, but caught them having sex with their boyfriend.
2. The person had a heart attack after witnessing the scene.
3. A pregnant lawyer named Yaseminay is mentioned.
4. A person is from Siirt.
5. A person is 37 years old.
6. A woman has her own company and is a tourist.
7. A person's wife does not understand the concept of rent.
8. A person has a cousin and a nephew.
9. A woman has a company, but it's not specified what kind of company.
10. A person's wife had a wedding and had two cars.
11. A person was beaten up in a fight in the suburbs.
12. A person was punched in the eye after saying "Zeytinburnu kid".
13. A woman wants to be with a Turkish man who is confident, handsome, and tall.
14. A person has a cat that has its own room.
15. The cat does not have a toilet, but has a litter box.