A comedic script of a pitch meeting for the Star Wars sequel, The Rise of Skywalker. The writer attempts to summarize the plot, which includes Emperor Palpatine's return, Rey's revelation as Palpatine's granddaughter, and the Resistance's battle against Palpatine's massive fleet. The writer pokes fun at the film's conveniences, lack of consequences, and unexplained events. The pitch meeting highlights the film's plot holes, inconsistencies, and absurd moments, including a scene where Rey heals a giant snake and another where she confronts an evil version of herself for just 10 seconds. The writer also jokes about the film's nostalgia, with the return of Luke and Han, and the introduction of new characters, such as a "Power Ranger" and a cute alien named Babu Frik.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. Palpatine is alive again in the Star Wars sequel.
2. Palpatine sent out a transmission to everybody.
3. The dark side is a pathway to many abilities.
4. Rey is Palpatine's granddaughter.
5. The good guys want to get to Palpatine, but need to get a thing first.
6. They need to go to a place and get another thing to get the first thing.
7. They go to Burning Man and meet Lando Calrissian.
8. Lando says "I have a bad feeling about this."
9. The good guys get chased by stormtroopers and end up in a tunnel.
10. They find a dagger that's a clue to what they're looking for.
11. The dagger has Sith writing on it that only C-3PO can understand.
12. C-3PO can't translate the writing because of his programming.
13. They need to go to another planet to translate the writing.
14. Chewbacca gets captured, but is rescued later.
15. Rey accidentally blows up a ship, but Chewbacca was on another ship.
16. C-3PO has his memory wiped and has to say bye to his friends.
17. R2 has a backup of C-3PO's memories.
18. Rey stabs Kylo Ren, but then heals him.
19. A planet blows up, but the characters escape.
20. Luke and Han appear in the movie.
21. The resistance fights a massive fleet of star destroyers.
22. Palpatine built many star destroyers and staffed them off-screen.
23. Rey confronts Palpatine on the planet Exegol.
24. Palpatine uses lightning to attack Rey.
25. Rey blocks the lightning with a lightsaber.
26. Rey uses two lightsabers to defeat Palpatine.
27. Palpatine gets hit with his own lightning.
28. Rey dies, but is revived by Ben's lifeforce.
29. Ben transfers his lifeforce to Rey, but dies.
30. Rey and Ben kiss before he dies.
31. The good guys have a big party after the battle.
32. Lando and an ex-stormtrooper girl talk about finding out where she's from.