The author reviews the notoriously difficult NES game "Ghosts N' Goblins" after receiving a petition from a fan to play and review it. The author has a personal connection to the game, having played it as a child and remembering how frustratingly hard it was.
The author describes the game's mechanics, enemies, and stages, highlighting its challenging nature, including limited lives, no power-ups or life bar, and extremely difficult enemies and bosses. They also share tips and strategies for beating certain levels, including avoiding the flame weapon and using the knife.
Throughout the review, the author expresses their frustration and anger towards the game's difficulty, using profanity and creative insults to describe their experience. They eventually beat the game but discover that they have to beat it twice to get the good ending, which they find infuriating.
Upon beating the game the second time, the author is left feeling unsatisfied and frustrated with the game's ending, leading to a series of creative and humorous expletives and insults.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. The speaker received a petition to review the game Ghosts N' Goblins.
2. Ghosts N' Goblins is a game developed by Capcom.
3. The game is considered one of the most difficult games in the NES library.
4. The speaker's first experience with the game was on their birthday, when they received the game along with an NES console.
5. Ghosts N' Goblins was the first NES game the speaker ever played.
6. The game's intro features a couple in a cemetery, with a man and woman implied to have just had sex.
7. The game's plot involves rescuing a girlfriend from Satan.
8. The game features a variety of enemies, including ghosts, goblins, zombies, devils, and dragons.
9. The Red Devils are considered one of the most annoying enemies in the game.
10. The game has 6 levels, plus a final boss stage.
11. The game features a map screen that shows the player's progress.
12. The game has unlimited continues, and the player can restart from a checkpoint after dying.
13. The game's final boss is the Devil.
14. The game requires the player to beat it twice in a row to get the good ending.
15. The good ending features a congratulatory message and a "happy end" to the story.
16. The game has a glitch that allows the player to skip a difficult part of level 6 by hitting a Devil off-screen and then running away.
17. The game features a variety of weapons, including a javelin, a knife, an axe, and a flame weapon.
18. The knife is considered the best weapon in the game.
19. The flame weapon is considered one of the worst weapons in the game.
20. The game has a time limit, and the player must complete each level before the time runs out.