A Tom Brady fan, overcome with grief from the quarterback's retirement, is ecstatic to learn that Brady is coming out of retirement. In his excitement, the fan gets drunk, runs naked out of his house, and eventually meets his neighbor, Marvin, who is also a fan. The two men learn that the Buccaneers have signed a new quarterback, Jack Dax, who boasts about his $100 million contract and thinks Tom Brady should sit on the bench. Tom Brady appears, asking Marvin to break Jack's kneecaps so he can play instead. Marvin tries various methods, including hiring a sumo wrestler, but ultimately, Jack falls down the stairs and breaks his kneecaps. Tom Brady arrives, and the scene ends with applause.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. Tom Brady retired from football.
2. Tom Brady came out of retirement to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
3. A character, who is a huge fan of Tom Brady, was devastated when Tom Brady retired.
4. The character's mood changed dramatically when they found out Tom Brady was coming out of retirement.
5. The Buccaneers signed a new quarterback before Tom Brady came out of retirement.
6. Tom Brady asked someone to break the new quarterback's kneecaps so he can play.
7. The new quarterback's name is Dax, and he signed a two-year, $100 million contract with the Buccaneers.
8. Dax is interested in the main character's wife and wants to take her away.
9. The main character and his friend Marvin try to break Dax's kneecaps but fail multiple times.
10. Dax eventually falls down the stairs and breaks his kneecaps.
11. Tom Brady appears at the end, seemingly pleased that Dax's kneecaps are broken, allowing him to play for the Buccaneers.