Doug Smith - Stabbed in the Face - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored - Summary

Summary

The narrator recounts the only fight he's ever been in, which occurred when he was a grown man. He was at a New York City subway station when he witnessed a man assaulting a young woman. The narrator intervened, and despite being inexperienced in fighting, he managed to distract the attacker, allowing the woman to escape. However, the attacker then turned on the narrator, punching him and cutting his face with a sharp object. The narrator suffered a severe laceration that required 23 stitches. In the aftermath, he had to deal with paranoia about contracting AIDS and later discovered that the cut had damaged his salivary gland, causing him to drool excessively. The attacker, who was caught and sentenced to 15 years in prison, turned out to be a 54-year-old homeless man who looked much younger. The narrator reflects on the experience, poking fun at his own ineptitude in the fight and his subsequent misadventures.

Facts

Here are the key facts extracted from the text:

1. The narrator was in a fight for the first time in his life.
2. The fight occurred in the East Village of Manhattan, at the 2nd Avenue F train station.
3. The narrator was headed home to Brooklyn after buying weed.
4. He witnessed a man assaulting a young woman and intervened.
5. The man was about the narrator's build, maybe in his mid-30s.
6. The narrator tried to yell at the man to stop, but he didn't back down.
7. The narrator and the man got into a physical altercation.
8. The narrator was punched and possibly stabbed in the face.
9. The woman escaped and the man ran away.
10. The narrator had a massive laceration on his face that required 23 stitches.
11. The man was later caught by the police and sentenced to 15 years in prison.
12. The narrator had to deal with residual effects from the injury, including drooling due to a damaged salivary gland.
13. The narrator was a dog walker at the time of the incident.
14. The woman who was being assaulted escaped and was not seriously injured.
15. The narrator was praised by the police for his heroic actions.