A school's lunch lady, Muriel, serves a disgusting dish called "meat slop surprise" to the students, which most of them despise. However, one student, Jeffy, surprisingly enjoys it and even receives a love letter from Muriel. Jeffy's parents are shocked and disgusted by the letter, and they try to keep Muriel away from their son.
Meanwhile, a character named Darius has a crush on Muriel and tries to win her over. He sets up a date with her, pretending to be Jeffy, and Muriel falls for the trick. However, when she discovers the truth, she is not upset and instead falls in love with Darius.
The story is filled with crude humor, ridiculous situations, and over-the-top characters, making it an entertaining and absurd tale.
Here are the key facts extracted from the text:
1. There is a toilet paper shortage.
2. The Egyptians used to wrap dead people in toilet paper.
3. The students have a new lunch lady who serves "meat slop surprise".
4. The lunch lady's name is Muriel.
5. Muriel has a deep voice, which she attributes to her dad's smoking habit.
6. Muriel has been a cook for 20 years and has never had a complaint about her meat slop surprise.
7. A student named Jeffy receives a love letter from Muriel, which is addressed to him.
8. Muriel is approximately 60 years old.
9. Muriel has a past relationship with a man who has four fingers.
10. The man (Brooklyn Four Fingers Guy) and Muriel have a complicated history.
11. Muriel is not allowed to be within 100 feet of Jeffy due to a restraining order.
12. The man who obtained the restraining order has a plan to set Muriel up on a date with him by pretending to be Jeffy.